Suicidal Love
by XMissFangirlX
Summary: Mercedes is broken. She can't let her past behind, and she keep hurting herself, over and over again. Could someone fix her? As Sam find out about her secret, love came around. Will she accept his help, or will she push him away? It's up to Mercedes, to decide if she will fight on her own, or let his love heal her deepest scars. A Samcedes fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey people, I don't even know if anybody still read fanfics about glee XD Anyways, Samcedes will always be my OTP, and this idea has been stuck in my head for a while. So I decided to write a fanfic about it. I hope you guys like it, actually, it's my first fanfic EVER. Well, here it goes. XO**

 **PS: I'm a Brazilian, what means that English is not my native language. I'm sorry for any mistake that may appear. Please forgive me.**

 **This fanfic contains scenes of depression, self harm and other types of psycho disease. So, if you are not comfortable reading this subject, please, stop right here.**

 **I own nothing about Glee, all rights reserved to Fox.**

 **This is MY story, I only used the characters. Please, do not copy. Writing is not as easy as you think, it requires a lot of concentration and imagination, so don't publish a story that doesn't belong to you.**

 **Thanks.**

 **Good reading :)**

* * *

Mercedes walked into the school another day. It has been two months since she first got into Mckinley, being rejected and having no friends. Being that same weak girl that she has always been. But things had changed.

Well, she thought so.

Now, she had left everything behind. Every piece of her horribles experiences were where they should be, in the past. Mercedes Jones had new friends, a new club where she could express herself and show her talent and a new life. Everything was going to be fine.

 _"Everything is going to be fine"_

She repeated in her mind.

Little does she knows that her darkest side would never, completely leave her.

"So, we could do a party to enjoy the weekend and then we chose some songs, that we could use in Nationals" A happy Tina suggested, clapping her hands while she took a seat next to Mercedes.

"Nice!" Kurt nooded."But where would it be?"

The room was completely silent, and everybody was glancing at each other, trying to figure out who would be the one to offer his own house for a party.

"It could be at my place" Mercedes' voice echoed through the choir room.

"Would you.. be okay with that?" Quinn asked her.

"I live alone remember Quinnie?" The black girl shrugged."We can do this saturday, I will live work at seven, so you guys can show up after eight"

"Man, I don't even know why do you work so much" Puck told.

"Well, I know, and I have my reasons" She gave him a disappointed look and rolled her eyes."Whatever"

"So, everyone in?" Finn questioned.

"Yes! And I'm bringing the drinks!" Puck yelled, giving Finn a high five.

"I can bring some cd's too.." Rachel started to discuss with Kurt about what songs they should use.

"Why does she live by her own?" Sam whispered to Mike, who was sitting next to him, while he watched Mercedes leave the room quickly.

"Nobody knows man, nobody knows.."

* * *

"One more time!" Santana yelled through the noisy room, where all the glee kids were sitting in a circle, holding bottles, glasses and beers. The Latina laughed and spun the empty bottle again. Mercedes rolled her eyes and took another sip of the cheap bear Puck has bought for them.

She wasn't even paying atention in the game. She wasn't having a good time at all. But the screams that exploded all over her room made her look at the bottle, that was now pointing at her. And on the other side...

Sam Evans.

Her eyes went wide as she lifted her head to look at the blonde. His green eyes met her brown ones and he smirked. Running his hands through his hair, he got on his knees and approached to Mercedes. Finally getting his smile out of her thoughts, she did the same.

He leaned to her, and their eyes locked. His fingers caressed her cheek and she couldn't wait anymore. She couldn't go through it. Why was he acting so cute? It was just a kiss.

Just a kiss.

Nothing more.

Then their lips touched and she knew she was wrong.

She slipped her tongue out to explore his mouth. She wasn't expecting him to taste so good and sweet, not after all those bottles of beer. Their tongues found each other as they fought for control. Mercedes felt her body warm, and moved her hand to his nape, stroking the hair exposed there.

His hair was getting long. She liked that.

He bit her uppon lip and pulled away to breathe. Mercedes hasn't realized for how long they have been kissing, and it was time enough to let them breathless. She was so lost in the green of his eyes, that she didn't hear Puck yelling for them to back up, so they could continue the game.

Thank God Sam did.

He smiled again and Mercedes thought her heart would rip her chest by beating so hard. She shook her head and went back to the corner, where Tina was cheering. The game continued and more kisses came. Mercedes was thankful that none of them included herself or Sam. And, as much as she tried, she couldn't keep her eyes away from him.

Neither could he.

So they just stared at each other the whole night, knowing that their kiss was more then just a part of the game, and this would be the beggining of something.

But they didn't know how hard it could get.

* * *

Later that night, she would receive a phone call. Later that night, she would know that her best friend was dead. Later that night, she would cry leaned on her bathroom sink, staring at her blurred make up through the mirror. Later that night, her past would come around to hunt her.

Later that night, after four months clean, she would hurt herself again.

* * *

 **Well, That's it. This chapter was really short. It was just the beginning.**

 **I'm reallyyyyy sorry if I disappointed you guys. But if you liked it, please review to let me know :)**

 **Until next chapter, love you all :3**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi! I'm back, and I'm also surprised with myself. I didn't think I would update this chapter so soon, but here it is! ~cheers~**

 **Well, this chapter is longer than the first one. When I first wrote it, I cried and thought it was perfect. By now, I have some doubts, but I hope you guys enjoy. :3**

 **REVIEWS**

 _ **"Guest:**_ _ **Great start to what I know is gonna be a great story. Please don't keep us waiting for chapter 2"**_ **Thank you! I'll try to update the chapters as soon as possible, but I can't promise you anything XD  
**

 _ **"Guest: Oh my goodness that was good! I'm a sucker for a good romance in the middle of dark times/ a dark story. Great job!"**_ **Haha, thank you so much.**

 **" _Alliecattie3: Good start..."_ Thanks!**

 ** _"Mowatts87: I am definitely still here reading Samcedes stories. This was a great beginning to a new story. I really want to know why Mercedes lives a lone. I want to learn her entire story. I hope this doesn't lead to her hurting herself on a regular basis. Can't wait for the next update!"_ Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. This chapter will explain everything you need to know by now, and I'm sorry if it disappoint you. :/ **

_**"Guest:**_ _ **Loved it! Cant wait for the next chapter"**_ **Thanks!**

 **I absolutely LOVE listenig to music while writing, so I will share with you the songs I listen as I write this fanfic. :)**

 **Songs for this chapter:**

 **Not about angels - Birdy**

 **Breathe me - Sia**

 **PS: I'm a Brazilian, what means that English is not my native language. I'm sorry for any mistake that may appear. Please forgive me.**

 **I own nothing about Glee, all rights reserved to Fox.**

 **This is MY story, I only used the characters. Please, do not copy. Writing is not as easy as you think, it requires a lot of concentration and imagination, so don't publish a story that doesn't belong to you.**

 **Thanks.**

 **Good reading :)**

* * *

The next day she was there again, staring at her own reflection on the mirror. But she couldn't recognize herself. The old Mercedes was back, and the new one, didn't have a place to hide from her ghost.

Mercedes wiped away the tears in her eyes, and took the blade from her drawer, pressing it against her wrist. She took another deep breath and sobbed a little, before tighten the object and cut her skin, letting a trickle of blood run down her arm.

Mercedes inahled deeply and concentrated on the pain. Tearswere falling in her face again as she tried to stay calm. She couldn't have another panic attack. Not now.

She was ready to cut another line in her pulse when she heard footsteps in the hallway.

 _"Damn... The door was open."_

She only had time to hide her hands behind her back and turn around to see Sam standing at the door.

"Ow...I...I'm sorry..." He apologized.

Mercedes didn't say anything. Why was he there? Why was he there _right now_? He couldn't see her bleeding and hurt. He couldn't know about her deepest secret, that she wasn't strong enough to leave her past behind.

He couldn't know that her happiness was fake.

She focused her eyes on the floor.

"I.. Just came to give your jacket back" He raised his hand, showing her clothe. "I borrowed yesterday, at the party and.. "

Mercedes notice his pause and looked up at him.

"Were you crying?" He asked, frowing and taking a step towards her.

"No!" She exclaimed "No.. I was.. Washing my face!"

She forced a smile and wiped the tears away with her clean pulse, that had a few scars from last night.

Sam observed her and looked around the bathroom.

"Wait, is that blood?" He pointed to the floor, next to her feet.

And with that Mercedes did the huge mistake of turning around to see the red stain on her carpet. Sam didn't waste time to grab her arm and turn her to face him again.

"What is this Mercedes?"

"This is none of business!" She tried to escape his grip, but she didn't have a chance against his strenght.

"I'm serious! Why are you doing it?" He looked at her and she could see the concern in his eyes. Finally he loosened her arm, and she stepped back, rubbing her wrist.

"It's my problem" Mercedes tried to explain. "It's not that bad, you shouldn't worry.."

"You are cutting your wrist, bleeding and hurting yourself and I _shouldn't_ worry?" Sam yelled.

Mercedes looked at him confused. He was now really close to her, pressing her back against the sink. Why was he still there? She wasn't his friend. They didn't even talk. They just knew each other because of glee club. She couldn't get why he was so interested in her personal life.

"Why do you even care?" She yelled back.

His answer was grab her face and cover her mouth with his. Mercedes was surprised. She didn't respond at first, but once his tongue slipped to her lips, she imediately parted them and opened her mouth. Sam held her face as he deepened the kiss. Mercedes had died and gone to heaven. She was lost in him. She had let him take the control as she drowened on him. And everything he was. Everything she could never have.

This wasn't right.

With a bit of lucidity she had left, Mercedes pulled away from him, tilting her head down, as her bloody hand rested on his chest.

"Stay away from me.."

"Mercedes please.."

" _Stay away from me!_ " Mercedes screamed and moved to the corner of the bathroom.

Sam shook his head and run his head throught his hair.

"You'll have to explain this tomorrow.. At glee club."

"I don't follow orders.."

"But you will!" The blonde took a deep breath and sighed. "Because we are your friends and we deserve an explanation."

"Get out of my house.." Mercedes murmured, steeping out of the bathroom and heading to the front door.

Sam followed her.

"So tomorrow.."

"I said get the hell out!"

And he did, leaving her bleeding and with a confused mind, crying on the floor.

* * *

Mercedes didn't want to be there. She didn't want to go to school, because she knew she would have to face her friends. And Sam. She wasn't ready for it, not after all she went throught this weekend.

But there she was, walking on the hallway, heading to her locker like nothing happened. And there was Sam Evans trying to fuck her life up more than it already was.

"What do you want? " She rolled her eyes as he leaned against the locker next to her.

"I want to talk Mercedes"

She sighed

"Then speak"

He stood there staring at her for a long while before start

"I just can't understand!" He moved his hands restlessly, as he looked down. "You've always been so kind and lovely with the people around. These two months that I know you, were enough for me to realize how confident and amazing you are. So why would you do that to yourself?"

Mercedes shrugged.

"You told me to explain myself at glee club, and that's what I'm going to do."

She walked away but was stopped when he reached for her hand, grabbing her wrist again.

"You have to stop doing this." Mercedes whispered.

"Just one question." He looked at her without loosing his grip. "How long?"

She closed her eyes and swallowed.

"You wouldn't want to know."

He gave her a sad look and let her go.

* * *

"Okay guys, so we can start practicing our songs for Nationals." Mr. Shue walked into the classroom heading straight to the board.

" ." Sam caught the teacher's attention. "I think Mercedes has something to say first."

William seemed a little confused as he glanced over the black girl sitting in the background.

"Actually.." She stood up. "I have something to sing, if you don't mind."

"Of course not, come here."

Mercedes gave the teacher a forced smile, as she walked to the front of the choir room. Everyone was staring at her, waiting for her song choice.

"I do have things to say to you guys, but first I will sing. Like we always do. And after that I'll give you the answers."

Santana and Tina frowned as they looked at each other, and Quinn and Kurt murmured something as the others stared at her in confusion.

 _There is a girl_

 _In the front of my class_

 _Who I swear I've never seen_

 _Do anything but laugh_

 _She's tall and she's smart_

 _Beaultiful and strong_

 _And When someone's down_

 _She tries to fix what is wrong_

 _How does someone so perfect_

 _Feel so insecure_

 _And to scar her skin with cuts and burns_

 _And still want to hurt more_

 _How does someone so loving_

 _Learn to hate her own guts_

 _Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade_

 _As if her mind isn't dark enough_

Mercedes played with her hands as the tears falled from her eyes.

 _There is a girl_

 _In the front of my class_

 _Who's eyes are glazed over_

 _Like newly cut glass_

 _The gost of a smile_

 _Hints at ger face_

 _And she laughs as they tell her_

 _Who's one first base_

 _How does someone so perfect_

 _Feel so insecure_

 _And to scar her skin with cuts and burns_

 _And still want to hurt more_

 _How does someone so loving_

 _Learn to hate her own guts_

 _Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade_

 _As if her mind isn't dark enough_

 _There is a girl_

 _In the front of my class_

 _Who's so sad that you find it rare_

 _To see her smile or laugh_

 _Her friends tell her jokes_

 _Like that one with the guy_

 _But all she does is close her eyes_

 _And enter her mind_

 _How does someone so perfect_

 _Feel so insecure_

 _And to scar her skin with cuts and burns_

 _And still want to hurt more_

 _How does someone so loving_

 _Learn to hate her own guts_

 _Drawing a picture on her arms with a blade_

 _As if her mind isn't dark enough_

 _For her imperfections_

 _There is a girl_

 _In the front of my class_

 _Who yesterday took_

 _The breath that was her last_

 _She wrote a few notes_

 _"I'm sorry I didn't say_

 _But my mind was messed up_

 _You couldn't save me anyway_

 _And to the girl in the back of the class_

 _Who feels the way I did"_

 _How does someone so perfect_

 _Feel so insecure_

 _And to scar her skin with cuts and burns_

 _And still want to hurt more_

At the end of the song, Mercedes was crying and sobbing, and so was Tina, Rachel and Kurt. Suddenly, everyone was making questions and the room was a mess.

"What happened?" Quinn asked.

"Did somebody die?" Puck enquired.

Now, Mercedes was totally lost in tears.

"Why are you crying?!" Blaine seemed worried, as he looked to Kurt trying to find an explanation.

"Let her explain!" Sam shouted. "She'll tell us everything."

He looked at her, and she could see his curiosity, but also could feel him trying to tranquilize her.

"The girl in the song... It's actually me."

Mercedes took a deep breath. Her eyes focused on her hands, resting on her lap, as she tried to avoid contact with everyone else.

"Everybody in here thinks that I'm a lovely and sweet girl. Or at least, you may think that I'm just another teenager, without any problems who always seems to smile. Well, that's not true. I was just eight when everything started to fall appart. It was supposed to be a trip, my family and I were in the car, taking the road. I can't remember where we were going or how long we've been traveling. But I still remember the way I was feeling. I was so happy, watching as the scenery changed outside my window. I still can see the face of my little sister, sleeping by my side. Rose. It's the only name I've memorized. Then, my mom told me it would be better for us to stop, so I could use the restroom. So we stopped at a gas station. I was the only one who got out, my dad told me they would wait inside the car. When I came back, the car was gone. So was my family. I stood there, looking for them, trying to understand why they did that. I started to cry and sat on the floor, hiding my face between my legs. I was so lost. They had left me behind. The ones I thought who cared about me. Who loved me! After that, I just started to believe that no one could ever do it. Anyways, one old man found me there and called the police. They took me to a delegacy. I couldn't stop crying, and also couldn't answer their questions. I didn't know anything about my parents, only their first names and that they didn't love me. They decided to hospitalize me in a mental hospital. It was the best way to get rid of me, as they said "you need to recover from this trauma." Well, they also said someone would adopt me. So I waited. I used to wake up everyday hoping someone would come and take me home. No one ever looked at me. And when they did, it was just a glance full of pity. I wasn't good enough for them. Or anybody. So after three years waiting for someone to save me, I realized that I couldn't be saved at all. That was the first time I hurted myself. I just grabbed the scissors I had in my pencilcase and cut my wrists. After that, they sent me to therapy. They thought I was crazy, and maybe I was. I tried to hide this stuff from my few friends at school. Somehow, they found out about my disease at the same time I found out they weren't really my friends. A few days later, all the students at school knew about it too. As if it were not enough to call me fat and ugly, or make jokes about my skin color everyday, people started to treat me like a freak. No one would talk or approach me. Nobody wanted me around. I was alone again. On my own, me against the world. I was left behind once again. Then I started to cut deeper. My clothes were now used to get stained by my blood, and my body was already accustomed with the pain I would feel every single night. I was hurting myself so badly that the doctors had to give me some medicines, that would tranquilize me and make me less angry, so I could forget about things for a while. It worked for sometime, but after a year I started to do everything all over again. But this time, nobody knew about it, except Sandy. I met her at the hospital, she had some troubles with her confidence, she was afraid of everything. Sandy was never able to go out. The real world scared her. Me too. She helped me through everything. She was my best friend, and she listened and talked to me. She was always there, when no one else where. I even stopped to cut my skin, because I found a reason to smile. Then Saturday, someone from the hospital called me. Sandy didn't wake up that day. She died sleeping. God has taken her. At least, she is back to where she belongs.. Heaven.. Because she.. She was my angel.."

Mercedes has to stop for a while, because of her loud sobs. She moved herself a little, trying to get comfortable at the chair. She tried to stop her tears to fall down, but she couldn't.

"I stayed at the hospital until I was fourteen. I was getting better, and they decided that was time for me to face the world again. My therapist was moving to LA, he decided to "give me" his old house. It's where I live now. But i had to buy food, pay bills and all this stuff that a fourteen is not used to do. So I started to work at the cafeteria near to the park. I don't receive so much money, but it's enough for me to keep things right. I have a scholarship here in Mckinley. In the hospital, they kept telling me I was smart, and if I studied I could make a difference some day. I don't know if I belived them, but I've always studied hard. A part of me wanted to learn about things, another one was just trying to keep my mind busy. So I made a test and here I am."

She raised her head to look at her friends.

"I thought it was over, I thought I had left all this feelings behind. I tried to forget my past and accept myself, but it's all coming back to me! I've lost my family, my childhood and my best friend! What else can be take off of me? Because I'm tired of losing people and get hurt. Is it because I'm fat? Because of my skin color? Because I'm ugly? Am I not good enough? All this thoughts came back to me after you guys left Saturday. That's why I went to my bathroom and hurt myself, cutting my wrists like I did before. And I did it once again yesterday. Unfortunately, someone caught me."

Mercedes looked at Sam and sighed.

"I owned you an explanation. Well, I've told you everything. Now, you all know who I really am. I'm lost, and I'm broken. And no one can fix me."

She got up and walked out of the choir room before anyone had time to say anything. All eyes were watered.

"Mercedes.." Sam stood up and run after her. "Mercedes!"

She was walking down the hallway, her hands covering her face, as the tears fell from her eyes.

"Mercedes please stop." Sam reached her and turned her body, forcing Mercedes to face him. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't" She looked away.

"Hey, hey." He lifted her chin with his fingers. "Let me help you."

"What part of 'stay away from me' you didn't understand, Sam?" She raised her voice.

"I'm not letting you go. I can't let you hurt yourself again."

"You have nothing to do with it, I've already told you so." Mercedes pointed her finger to Sam's chest. "You can't be near me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm desenvolving feelings for you." She whispered and looked around, making sure nobody else would hear.

"So! Why is that bad?" Sam was totally confused and lost. He looked deep into her eyes, trying to read her soul.

"Because I can't fall for you Sam! You will leave me, like everybody else did! It's what happen to people I care about, and I'm tired of getting hurt. So please, stay away before it get worse."

"I'm not leaving Mercedes."

"You have to."

When she turned around to leave, they both were surprised by the slushies they got right on their faces. Before Sam could recompose himself from the cold that had invaded his body, Mercedes was running again. Far away from him. And it broke his heart.

* * *

 **Song used in this chapter:**

 **Dark enough - Amanda Lopiccolo**


	3. Chapter 3

**HEEEYYYYY GUYYYSSS! Yeah, I'm sooo happy and idk why. XD I think it is because of the huge support I have been receiving from you. The reviews and the views are surprising me! You are actually liking this fic, and I wasn't expecting this at all. :3 Thank you so much, love you!**

 **Well, I have to explain somethings before this chapter, that I think you may have doubts about. This fanfic actually happens in the period of season two. Quinn has gotten pregnant and all that Quinncedes moments happened. And they keep being good friends until now. ( Because I absolutely love their friendship ). Kurt didn't move from Mckinley, but he is still bullied by David, and he is also dating Blaine. Sam hasn't dated Quinn nor Santana. And I think this is it! If I remember anything more I'll tell you in the next chapter.**

 _ **"whoknowstv: Self cutting is something that definitely should be discussed and educated on. It happens more than you think and teenagers have a lot of pressure these days. I'm glad that you brought this issue to the forefront. By giving them a forum, such as telling a story by using a backdrop of Glee characters, it will help themselves to understand how serious this form of depression is.**_

 _ **With this story, you could possibly save a life. So for that I say THANK YOU! Keep up the good work."**_ **Definitely, self harm is such an important issue, and it happens frequentely. I thought about how it could affect people by getting this teme in the glee universe, and I really hope I can help someone to realize how good and beautiful they are. And, like you said, If I possibly save a life, I will be very pleased and happy to know that one story helped one person to get thought everything. :)**

 _ **"Alliecattie3:**_ ** _Run Sam Run and catch her!_** ** _Mercedes story is heartbreaking!_** ** _She really needs help and I'm thinking Sam is the man for the job! Hope the Glee club is supportive also!"_ Well, you are going to see their support in this chapter! Hope you like it. And thank you for keep reading!  
**

 ** _"Mowatts87_** : _**Wow...I wasn't emotionally ready to read that. I can't wait to see how you allow their friendship to develop!"**_ **Haha, I'm sorry for that. Okay, maybe I'm not lol. Just kidding, hope you like the next chapters then! Thanks!**

 **"** **krystinlgregg93 : _Wow this is great I wonder Mercedes parents point of view why did they leave? But fantastic start."_ You will see more of Mercedes parents soon. Thank you!  
**

 **" _Zini: Wow this is so sad but I'm enjoying it (sounds terrible but this is a great story so far). I hope that Mercedes will allow Sam to help her because she needs someone to love her and support her. I hope that she'll realize that Sam won't leave her; it would be cool if we got his point of view too. But this is a really good start and I hope that you'll update again soon."_ Oh, thank you so much. Well, I will try to give you some of Sam's point of view, it's just that it's easier for me to describe Mercedes feelings, idk why. **

**The songs for this chapter:**

 **Keep holding on - Glee cast version**

 **Kiss me - Ed Sheeran  
**

 **Stand by you - Rachel Platten ( This song is on the chapter, so maybe you'd like to listen to it first.)**

 **Thank you again for all the support.**

 **And remember, you are beautiful and loved. And if you don't believe it, here is a proof: I LOVE YOU. :)**

* * *

Mercedes was tired of crying. It felt like she had no more tears left. She washed her face and took a deep breath. After getting slushied in the middle of the hallway, she went home running. Mercedes took a shower, and all she wanted to do now was lay in her coach and watch some movie. But her mind wouldn't stop thinking. She sat on her coach, embracing her legs, as her thoughts invaded her once again.

The whole glee club knew about her secret. They knew she was a freak who couldn't find a way to confront all her troubles and accept herself. Her closest friends now must been thinking she was weak. Mercedes wasn't strong, but she didn't want anyone to know about it. That's why she always forced that "Confident Diva" style, so nobody would worry or think that something was wrong. And it was good for her, because the less people know, the less they judge you. At least, she could suffer without worry with what people would think about her doing this. But now the thruth was out, because of one person.

But, even if she tried to stay mad at Sam, she couldn't. Because, first, Mercedes felt as if she had taken a weight from her back. There was nothing more stuck in her troat. She had let it all out, she had told the thruth and it somehow relieved her. And second, whenever she was around that guy, all she could think was how handsome and kind he was. He was treating her like never before. His concern felt real, and when he looked at her, Mercedes could bet there were feelings in his green eyes. The same feelings that grew inside her after their fist kiss. But she wasn't sure. She couldn't just give herself to him right now. Maybe it was what she wanted to do, but it was not right. She was so fucked up.

Mercedes closed her eyes and tried to push her toughts and feelings away, hoping that Sam would not give up on her after finding out everything she has hid from everybody until now.

The sound of the doorbell made she open her eyes and sighed.

"Fuck.."

Mercedes stood up and calmly heade to the door. Before she could entirely open it, she found herself pressed against the wall, with Sam's hand holding her arms alongside her head. He closed the door with his foot and looked at her.

"Tell me to stay away from you once again."

"What? S-Sam... What are you doing?"

"Just tell me Mercedes." He pressed his body against her. "Tell me you feel nothing for me. Tell me you don't want to kiss me right now!"

She swallowed. Since when her troat was that dry?

"Sam.."

"Just tell me one more time Mercedes... And I will leave you alone."

"I..."

She stared at him. He looked so much prettier this close. His eyes turned dark, and she could feel his heavy breath, as it blowed against her skin.

"I can't"

She never looked away. The way that their bodies were touching was sending chills all the way up her spine. Their eyes were brighting so hard as they looked at each other, that it felt like they were staring at their souls. Mercedes was scared for a moment. All that thoughts came back to her mind. She looked so fragile standing there, looking at his eyes, searching for help. She was so afraid he would do what everybody else used to. Right now, he could scream in her face, tell her how she was weak and useless, that she would never be good enough. But Sam didn't. And suddenly Mercedes felt everything but fear.

"I knew it." He whispered and attacked her lips with so much desire that Mercedes felt her knews got weak. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, letting a moan scape his troat. He slowly loosed Mercedes' hand, that went right to his hair, and held her waist, as she deepened the kiss. Their bodies were on fire and they couldn't take their hands out of each other. Sam grabbed her tights and lifted her. Mercedes hooked her legs around his waist, as he made his way to the coach, carring her with him.

He sat on it with Mercedes on his lap.

"Please don't.." She said between kisses, trying to hold her tears back. "Don't hurt me.."

Sam pulled away and looked into her eyes, so she could see how serious he was as he spoke.

"I won't."

He caressed her cheek, and she controled herself from crying again. She smiled and leaned to give him another passionate kiss.

After a long make out session, Mercedes was now sitting next to Sam, while he held her close to his chest.

"I'm sorry.." Sam said, braking the silence between them.

"For what?" Mercedes raise her head, so she could look in his eyes.

"For everything that happened to you. You have been through a lot, Mercedes. I can't even imagine how I would react if something like that happened to you. You are really strong."

"I'm not." She whispered.

"Of course you are!"

"Sam, you saw what I do to myself! I've been cutting my wrists and crying all the time. I am a lot of things, but strong is not a part of them." Mercedes looked down. "I'm worthless.."

"Look at me." She didn't move. "Look at me, Cedes." She slowly raised her head. "Don't you ever say that again. You are worth it, for milion reasons. Have you ever seen how beautiful it is when you smile? Or how leggings fit you perfectly? And you have an amazing character! You are so kind with people, and you are always trying to help when something is wrong. You are an awesome person, Mercedes. Don't you dare think unlike it."

The black girl stared at him in shock. Nobody had ever said something like that for her. Even Kurt or Tina, they just used to tell her that she was a good friend. Mercedes couldn't find her voice, she didn't know what to tell him, so she just leaned close to him and kissed him.

This wasn't a sensual kiss like the others, it was kind and lovely, and they both depposited all their feelings in it.

When they broke the kiss, Mercedes closed her eyes and hugged him.

"Thank you..."

Her voice was so low that Sam almost didn't hear it.

"I just told the thruth." He smiled and did the same, sitting back on the coach.

"Well, I wish I could stay more.." Sam run his hair through his hair. "But I have to be back home to make the dinner for Steve and Stacey."

"It's okay.." She smiled and stood up. "Hmm.."

She wanted to ask if they would see each other tomorrow. She knew they would, at least in glee club, but after everything that just happened, she didn't want him to be the type of guy that don't even look into her eyes the next day.

"I'll see you tomorrow before class, okay?" He got up and carresed her arm.

"Yes, fine." She smiled and he gave her a peck.

He was already leaving when she called him. He stopped at the door.

"By the way... You can call me Cedes more often.." She smiled shily. "I liked it."

Sam smiled.

"Okay then.. Good night... Cedes."

He blinked at her and closed the door.

"Good night Sam.."

She smiled and covered her face in her hands. She couldn't express the feeling growing inside of her. Was this happiness? It's been a long while since she was really happy. But thinking about Sam's lips on hers and the way he said all those cute things to her, made Mercedes sleep smiling.

* * *

Mercedes was closing her locker when she felt hands covering her eyes.

"Hi Sam." She laughed and turned to face the blonde.

"What? How did you know it was me?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Because you are the only one who would do that." Mercedes rolled her eyes and smiled. "And... Your perfume.. I smelled it."

Sam looked at her and saw she was blushing.

"You are so cute."

"W-What?" Mercedes lifted her head " I'm not."

"Of course you are. And I love it." He laughed and leaned down to kiss her, but was stopped when she pushed him away.

"Sam!"

"What?" He seemed perplexed. "Can't I kiss you?"

"No.. Not _here,_ at school."

"Okay.." Sam stepped back and run his fingers through his hair. He looked embaressed and Mercedes felt guilty for the way she acted.

"It's just.. We really need to take this slow, okay?" She stared at him and bit her lip. "Can you do this for me?"

He looked at her and put his hands on the pocket of his jeans.

"Yes.. For you I can." He smiled, and it made a smirk appear on Mercedes' lips.

"So, I'll see you at glee club?" Sam asked.

"Yes, you will."

"Good."

He stepped closer to her again. Her body tensed up with his move, and Sam noticed it. He chuckled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"See you later Cedes."

"Bye Sam."

She stood there watching him walk to the classroom. Mercedes smiled shily and got her books from her locker to go to her first class. When she was passing by the corner of the hallway, she heard a chuckle and turned her head, to see a three cheerleaders staring at her and whispering. Mercedes didn't have to hear to know about what they were saying. These girls have just seen Sam Evans, the football player and one of the hottest guys at Mckinley, talking to Mercedes Jones. The fat, short and ugly girl, who was nothing but a loser. She rolled her eyes and sighed, ignoring the girls as she kept walking.

* * *

She was ten minutes late. Sam was sitting alone in the choir room, waiting for Mercedes. He had to admit, he was nervous. He started to think she wouldn't come when he heard steps in the hallway. As fast as she entered the room Sam was already standing.

"I'm sorry, I got stuck with the math teacher and all his speech about his own life and-" Mercedes stopped brutally when she noticed that they were the only ones in the room. "Am I this late?"

"A little bit." Sam laughed and approached her. "But there is a reason why I'm the only one here."

She raised a brow for him.

"The others are in the auditorium." He explained. "Since you were late, I stayed to tell you today's practicing will be there."

"Okay.." Mercedes shrugged and smiled. "We should go, I don't want to get even more late."

"Yeah, of course." Sam grabbed her hand and they run down the corridor in their way to the auditorium. By the time they got there, the place was empty, and the curtains of the stage were closed.

"Sam..." Mercedes started with that judging voice of hers.

"Calm down, I'm not lying to you." He looked at her and smiled. "Just come here."

He led her to the stage. There was a chair few steps away from the edge. Mercedes looked at Sam, then the chair and back at Sam.

"What is going on?"

"Just sit Cedes, please."

She bit her lip and stared at him for a while, then she sat on the chair, apprehensively.

"Fine. Now, just listen us. We have some important things to say."

"Us?"

"Yes." Sam chuckled and the curtains behind him opened, revealing all the new direction's members there. Mercedes' eyes went wide and she smiled. Sam walked to his place beside Tina as the first notes of the song filled the air. Quinn took a step forward and started to sing, directly to Mercedes.

 **{Quinn}**

 _Hands_

 _Put your empty hands in mine_

 _And scars_

 _Show me all the scars you hide_

 _And hey, if your wings are broken_

 _Please take mine so yours can open too_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 **{Kurt}**

 _Oh, tears make kaleidoscopes in your eyes_

 _And hurt, I know you're hurting, but so am I_

 _And love, if your wings are broken_

 _Borrow mine so yours can open too_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

At that point Mercedes had tears falling from her eyes, once more. Now, Quinn was singing with their friends vocalizing in the background. All of them smiling at Mercedes, everyone was there for _her._ That moment she forgot about everything that once made her mad and angry at the world, and grinned at her friends.

 **{** _Quinn_ **} {** _ **New Directions}**_

 _Even if we're breaking down_ _ **{hey}**_

 _We can find a way to break through_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_

 _I'll walk through hell with you_

 _Love, you're not alone_ _ **{alone}**_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_ _ **{Oh,hey}**_

 _I'm gonna stand by you_ _ **{you}**_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_

 _I'll walk through hell with you_

 _Love, you're not alone_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 **{Sam}**

 _Yeah, you're all I never knew I needed_

 _And the heart, sometimes it's unclear why it's beating_

 _And love, if your wings are broken_

 _We can brave through those emotions too_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 **{Tina}**

 _And oh, truth, I guess truth is what you believe in_

 _And faith, I think faith is having a reason_ _ **{And nah nah nah}**_

 _Love, if your wings are broken_

 _Borrow mine so yours can open too_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 **{** _Quinn_ **} {** _ **New Directions}**_

 _Even if we're breaking down_ _ **{hey}**_

 _We can find a way to break through_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_

 _I'll walk through hell with you_

 _Love, you're not alone_ _ **{alone}**_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_ _ **{Oh,hey}**_

 _I'm gonna stand by you_ _ **{you}**_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_ _ **{oh}**_

 _I'll walk through hell with you_

 _Love, you're not alone_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 **{Santana}**

 _I'll be your eyes 'till yours can shine_

 _And I'll be your arms, I'll be your steady satellite_ _ **{uh}**_

 _Now when you can't rise, well, I'll cry with you on hands and knees_

When the beat dropped, everyone was dancing and clapping along with the rhythm. Sam had Mike and Artie by his side, but he still didn't look away from Mercedes. Quinn was with Santana and Kurt in the center. Tina, Rachel and Brittany were swinging near to Puck and Finn.

 **{** _Quinn_ **} {** _ **Santana}**_

 _ **{Cause I}**_ _cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 _Even if we're breaking down_ _ **{hey}**_

 _We can find a way to break through_ _ **{C'mon}**_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_

 _I'll walk through hell with you_

 _Love, you're not alone_

 _ **{Cause I'm gonna stand by you}**_

Rachel went to Mercedes and grabbed her hands, pulling her out of the chair and bringing her close to everyone. She laughed and started to dance with them.

 _Even if we can't find heaven_ _ **{hey}**_

 _I'm gonna stand by you_

 _Even if we can't find heaven_ _ **{oh}**_

 _I'll walk through hell with you_

 _Love, you're not alone_ _ **{you're not alone}**_

 _Cause I'm gonna stand by you_

 _Love, you're not alone_

 _ **{Oh, I'm gonna stand by you}**_

 _(_ _ **ND:**_ _Even if we can't find heaven, heaven, heaven)_

 _Yeah, I'm gonna stand by you_

"Guys.." Mercedes didn't know what to say. She sighed and wipped away the few tears left in her eyes. "Thank you so much."

"Did you understand what we were trying to say?" Santana rested her hand on Mercedes' shoulder.

"We love you, Mercy." Quinn looked at her friend and smiled. "We are your friends, who care about you. You need to know that, whatever happens, we are here for you. We'll always be."

"You could've told us." Kurt approached her. "We would have tried to help. And you know you can always count on me, I'll be there for you."

"Thank you, Kurt." Mercedes hugged her friend. She turned to the others and sniffed. "How did you guys planned this?"

"Yesterday after you left, and after we all stopped crying, we decided that we had to sing you a song." Finn explained.

"And everybody also agreed that we should let you know that we will always stand by you." Rachel smiled.

"I was the last to know about it." Sam looked at her. "Because.. Well, you know. I was doing more important things." He smirked and Mercedes blushed. She rolled her eyes and chuckled. "But then at night we met up at breadstick and chose the song. And how I would take you here."

"Oh, and Mr. Shue told me that he wouldn't be here today, 'cause he has got a cold." Tina told her. "But when I told him about the plan to help you, he was really upset for not being here, but asked me to tell you he was sorry, and he hopes you hold on and be strong."

Mercedes looked at her friends and smiled.

"I don't even know what to say to you.. I needed this." She took a deep breath. "I needed to know that someone would be there for me. And after this, I'm sure I can count on you for everything. Thank you so much."

"Oh come here, Mama." Puck smiled and pulled her into a hug. Everybody laughed and did the same.

And in that hug, between all of her friends, Mercedes felt safe. She felt like all that broken pieces inside of her were coming back to their places. Her friends were healing her, and she started to feel loved. It was good. After a long while of walking through the darkness, Mercedes could finally see the light.

* * *

 **Hope you liked it. Let me know what you think about this chapter. Please review :)**

 **What did you think about Sam's action? Was he rude or he was just trying to make her feel loved?**

 **Until next chapter, XO.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm back! I'm sorry for keep you waiting for this chapter - well, that's if you are still reading this, because last chapter I didn't receive as much reviews as I used to. :(**

 **But it took me this long to update because I've been very busy. First of all, the Olympic Games are happening here in my country! Yeah, I shouldn't be happy about it, but I acctualy am. And every single day I get myself watching the competitions. I JUST CAN'T! XD And I also have school, and I have been studying very hard because next week I'll make some tests.**

 **Now, let's go back to our fic :3 One more thing I forgot to tell you about the story, is that Sam is not homeless. He and his family are still living in a normal house - well, for now XD**

 **Guys, I'm thanful that the number of views are increasing, but somehow I fell like you aren't enjoying the storyline. The last chapter had just two reviews, and I started to think something was wrong. So please, if you feel like something is missing, or with you have any questions or suggestions, let me know. :)  
**

 **Ps: In my opinion, this chapter sucks. It took me so long to write it, and it didn't came out the way I expected to. I'm so disappointed with myself.**

 _ **"Zini:I loved this chapter- I didn't think what Sam did was rude; I actually thought it was hot lol. I'm so happy that all of the New Directions took time to sing to Mercedes and let her know that they care and support her. And she said she felt like they were healing her, which made my heart smile. Everyone needs to feel like they can count on someone! Great job looking forward to the next chapter:)"**_ **Thank you for all the support! :)  
**

 ** _"Mowatts87:What they did for Mercedes was beautiful. I'm extremely grateful for Sam not listening to her telling him to leave her alone. Now that she knows that she has support, I hope she doesn't push them away. Great Update!"_ Tysm! You have been here since the first chapter, so I kinda of love you for it! lol XD  
**

 **Playlist for this chapter:**

 **She will be loved - Maroon 5**

 **How to love - Cash Cash feat. Sofia Reyes**

 **Lego House - Ed Sheeran**

 **Being with you was the only time I've ever been happy.**

It has been a great week to Mercedes. Her friends became even closer to her, Sam was always around to make her smile and she was doing well with that other stuff. Mercedes wasn't entirely comfortable with the scars on her pulse, so she kept wearing some long sleeve shirts or even jackets, but stopped hurting herself after the day of her friends performance. After that, they have been practicing for Nationals all week long. The glee members even decided that Mercedes should get a solo, and she was really surprised when Rachel agreed.

Mercedes had just finished her hair when she heard a knock on the door.

"Just a second!"

She walked to the door and opened it, she smiled as she saw Sam standing in front of her. His parents decided to go out that Saturday night, so he would have to babysit the siblings. He asked if Mercedes could help him. Of course she said yes. She was so excited to meet that kids, and also to spend as much time as she could with Sam.

"Hey beautiful." He smirked and gave her a peck on the lips. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, let's go." She stepped out of her house and locked the door.

Sam was waiting for her outside his car, with the passenger door open. She approached him and caressed his check.

"How can you be so cute?"

"It's part of the plan."

She raised her brow. "What plan?"

"To make you my girlfriend."

Mercedes looked at him in surprise and blushed.

"Sam.."

He chuckled and held her waist, bringing her closer to him, as he leaned into a kiss. Mercedes rested her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. She loved when he kissed her. The way he held her, like she was so fragile she could break, how he caressed her cheek right after they broke appart and the way his tongue felt so good inside her mouth. They rested their foreheads together as they broke the kiss.

Sam smiled. "Let's talk about this later."

Mercedes noded and got into the car. He closed her door and did the same.

By the time they got into Sam's house, Mr. and Mrs. Evans were already outside waiting for them.

"Oh, so you are Mercedes Jones?" The woman approached Mercedes as she got out the car.

"Y-Yes." She looked at Sam, then back at his mother and finally at Mr. Evans right behind her.

"You're making the kid uncomfortable, Mary."

"I'm just kidding, Dwight!" She laughed and pulled the girl into a hug. Then she hold Mercedes' shoulders as she checked her out. "You are just like Sam has described! Beautiful, cute and you smell really good, honey!"

Mercedes was shocked, but somehow she let a laugh escape her throat. "Thank you.."

Sam rolled his eyes and huffed, as he walked towards her, and gave his dad an angry look. Dwight shrugged and walked over to his wife.

"Okay darling, I think it's time for us to leave."

Mary noded and headed to the car. Her husband looked back at Mercedes and smiled.

"I'm glad to meet you, Mercedes. I'm sure you are this great person Sam has told us about."

Mercedes smiled and tried not to blush.

"Thank you for helping my son with Stacey and Stevie, I appreciate your help, and I'm sure they will love you." Dwight turned to Sam. " See you later, son."

He got into the car and Mary waved for the kids one last time, before they get completely out of sight.

"I'm sorry about that." Sam looked at her and chuckled. "Oh, and I'm sure that when I talked about you, I mentioned 'gorgeous', not 'beautiful'." He winked at her and entered the house. Mercedes couldn't hold the blush by now. She grinned from ear to ear and followed him. As fast as she got in, a blonde girl was next to her grabbing her hand.

"So you are Sam's girlfriend?!" The little girl shouted.

"I told you she's just my best friend Stacey." Sam laughed at his sister and looked up at Mercedes. He whispered "For now" and she rolled her eyes, smiled and looked back at the girl in front of her. Who was glancing at her brother.

"But you guys kissed!"

Mercedes looked at Sam incredulously and raised her eyebrows. "You told her?"

"She is a girl!" He shrugged and pointed at Stacey, trying to defend himself. "She can be really annoying just to get the thruth!"

The black girl was ready to complain what he meant by 'she's a girl' when a little boy entered the room. He was exactly like she would imagine young Sam, the blonde hair and the way he smiled when he noticed her presence. And he had that same green eyes with caramel edges.

"Hello." Mercedes smiled at the cute boy, who didn't respond, just stood there looking at her with his jaw dropped.

"You better close your mouth Stevie, you're drooling." Sam huffed and looked angrily at his brother.

"Er.. hm.. H-Hi.." He gasped but didn't take his eyes out of Mercedes.

She laughed. "I'm glad to meet you guys. I'm Mercedes, but I think you already knew that.."

"Yes, Sam couldn't stop talking about you." Stacey rolled her eyes and the older girl smirked looking at Sam, who shrugged. "Do you want to see my dolls collection?" The blonde girl asked, as she pulled Mercedes by the hand, leading her upstairs. She looked at Sam and laughed, and followed the girl.

When the two ladies were out of sight, Sam stteped closer to his brother and leaned to whisper something in his ear. "I saw her first, don't even try it."

Stevie didn't get a chance to respond, because Sam was already moving towards the kitchen.

"Damn!" He murmured. "I hate being the younger brother.." He sighed and made his way to the sofa.

They have been watching Avatar for an hour, and Stacey was sleeping peacefully on Mercedes' chest. Stevie and Sam just couldn't take their eyes off the screen. Mercedes sighed and hold the little girl in her arms.

"I will take her to bed." She got up holding Stacey carefully, trying not to wake her up.

"Uhum." Sam mumbled and pointed at the TV, explaining something about the scene to his brother.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and walked up the stairs. She put the girl on the pink bed and covered her. She smiled looking at her angelical face, then kissed her forehead and walked towards the door. When Mercedes was about to leave the room, she heard a noise coming from Stacey. She turned and looked at the girl, who was now with her eyes open and looking directly at her.

"Sam told me you can sing."

Mercedes grinned and approached her, and sat on the edge of the queen size bed.

"Well, I do my better."

Stacey smiled. "Can you sing me to sleep?"

"Of course I can, honey." Mercedes held her hand and caressed it. "What song would you like to hear?"

"That one for Tangled, when Rapunzel and Flynn are at the boat, watching the lights!" The blonde grinned from ear to ear. "It's my favorite scene from this movie."

Mercedes knew that song. She really loved Disney movies, especially the songs. But this wasn't one of her favorites, Mercedes didn't like Tangled very much, the way that Rapunzel was waiting for someone to save her. And at the end everything is absolutelly perfect. She is a princess and has a boyfriend, who has been forgiven for all his crimes. It was so unreal. And everytime Mercedes watched this movie, she would wonder if someday someone would find her and save her. Since she knew that wouldn't happen, she just stopped watch. But somehow, the lyrics suddenly came into her mind and she began to sing.

 _All those days watching from the windows_

 _All those years outside looking in_

 _All that time never even knowing_

 _Just how blind I've been_

 _Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight_

 _Now I'm here, suddenly I see_

 _Standing here, it's all so clear_

 _I'm where I'm meant to be_

Stacey smiled hearing Mercedes' voice and closed her eyes. Mercedes did the same and sang with her soul.

 _And at last I see the light_

 _And it's like the fog has lifted_

 _And at last I see the light_

 _And it's like the sky is new_

 _And it's warm and real and bright_

 _And the world has somehow shifted_

 _All at once everything looks different_

 _Now that I see you_

She lowered her voice and opened her eyes, to see Stacey staring into something behind her. Mercedes frowned and turned to see Sam standing at the door. He had the most beautiful smile she had ever seen, and his eyes were shining. He stepped closer to the bed and started to sing.

 _All those days chasing down a daydream_

 _All those years living in a blur_

 _All that time never truly seeing_

 _Things, the way they were_

 _Now she's here shining in the starlight_

 _Now she's here, suddenly I know_

 _If she's here it's crystal clear_

 _I'm where I'm meant to go_

Mercedes slowly got up and stood in front of him, smiling.

 **{Mercedes and Sam}**

 _And at last I see the light_

 **{Sam}**

 _And it's like the fog is lifted_

 **{Mercedes and Sam}**

 _And at last I see the light_

 **{Mercedes}**

 _And it's like the sky is new_

They were so lost in the moment that they didn't even remembered Stacey was in the room. Sam hold Mercedes' hand and brought her closer to him.

 **{Mercedes and Sam}**

 _And it's warm and real and bright_

 _And the world has somehow shifted_

 _All at once, everything is different_

 _Now that I see you,_

 _now that I see you_

They stayed in a comfortable silence for a while, just staring at each others eyes. Sam was leaning for a kiss when Stacey's applause filled the room. Mercedes jumped and pulled away.

"You two are absolutely in love!"

"W-What?" Mercedes stammered and blushed. "No.. Sam and I are just friends." She glanced at him. "Right?"

Sam looked hurt at her comment.

"Yes.. Just friends." He sighed. "Well, you better sleep Stacey, mom and dad would kill me if they knew you are up until now." He moved closer to his sister and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, dear."

"Goodnight Sammy.." She smiled and looked at Mercedes. "Goodnight Mercedes.."

"It was nice to meet you little girl.." She smiled. "Goodnight."

Sam leaded her outside the room and closed the door.

"She's an angel." Mercedes told him in their way to the stairs.

"You have just met her, wait until next week and you won't stand look at her face."

Mercedes laughed and slapped his arm playfully. They got downstars and she saw Stevie lied at the coach, snooring.

"I think it's time for me to go."

"Okay." Sam noded and walked with her to the door.

She stood outside the house looking at him. The memories came back to her mind. Since their first kiss at her house, until the song they had just sang. She remembered the look in Sam's eyes when he hold her close to him, and the way he smiled at first, but then got very serious, as he controled himself not to kiss her. For some reason, she liked Tangled a lot more now. Mercedes watched him bit his bottom lip.

"Well.. Goodnight Sam."

He didn't say anything and just pulled her into a hug. He held her close, his arms envolving her waist as one hand ran through her hair. Sam's action send chills all over Mercedes' body. Could a hug be so full of passion and desire? She embraced him strong, pressing her arms around his neck. Sam buried his face in her neck and inhaled deeply. She caressed his back and slowly pulled away, looking at his eyes, that were as dark as the moment he pressed her against the wall at her house. Their faces were so close that they lips brushed as Sam spoke.

"I want to kiss you so bad, Cedes."

His voice was so sensual when he whispered. Mercedes bit her bottom lip and looked right in his eyes.

"Then kiss me."

A flame of desire flashed in his eyes, then he shut then closed and leaned to-

"Sam?" They heard Stevie low voice call his brother from the living room.

"No.." Sam huffed, never loosing the grip in Mercedes waist.

They stood in each other arms for a while, eyes closed and breaths blowing in their faces. Mercedes smiled weakly and pulled away from the embrace.

"Go.."

"Cedes.."

"It's okay. I call you when I get home." She smiled and looked at him, who seemed uncomfortable with the situation.

"Okay." He sighed and let her go.

As she turned the corner of the street, Sam ran his hands through his hair and leaned on the door. He was falling hard for Mercedes Jones.

Sam was leaned in his car, waiting for her. He smiled as the memory of the talk they had last night when Mercedes got home.

 _"I'm really sorry for that, I thought Stevie was asleep and-"_

 _"Sam, you don't need to apologize. I've already told you, it's okay." Mercedes told him._

 _"I know, I know.." He sighed. "But I want to make it up going out with you tomorrow."_

 _"Sam, you don't need to."_

 _"Mercedes, I think you didn't listen to me very well. I don't need to, I_ _want_ _to. And you know that."_

 _Mercedes smiled, even knowing he couldn't see her expressions through the phone._

 _"So, would you go out with me?"_

 _"Yes Sam." She chuckled. "Where are we going to?"_

 _"Well, I was thinking about spending time by the lake, and wacth the sunrise with you." He grinned thinking about the scene. "What do you think? Is it too cliché?"_

 _"Of course not. I think it's beautiful."_

 _"Okay then, I will pick you up at 5:00 pm."_

 _"Oh, you don't have to. I would prefer to go by feet, I've been trying to walk more."_

 _"Are you sure?" Honestly, Sam didn't like the ideia so much. "You know there is no problem for me to take you there."_

 _"Yes, I'm sure. And the lake isn't very far from my house, so I can handle it." She chuckled. "So can we meet there at 5:15?"_

 _"Of course. See you there beautiful."_

 _"See you Sam."_

 _He waited for her to hang up. He grinned and cheered before going to bed, spending half an hour just thinking about how he was grateful to have met this girl._

He sighed and lifted his head, smiling at the bright sun above him. The day was warm and beautiful, just like his humor. Mercedes had accepted to go out with him, it was his chance to tell her how much he wanted her. How he needed her in his life, because when he kissed her, he saw fireworks, and everytime they touched, Sam felt chills run through his body. He thought about their embrace last night, and how he wanted to kiss her so bad. He was falling for Mercedes and he knew it, he just didn't want to scare her. She told him that they needed to "take this slow", but he couldn't. He had been waiting for one week, and his feelings for her were just getting harder. He needed to tell her.

Sam heard footsteps and turned to see Mercedes walking towards him. His jaw dropped and his heart stopped. She looked marvelous in that lilac dress, her hair was loose and the wind was blowing her curls as she walked. Mercedes had the most beautiful smile Sam had ever seen.

"Wow..." He whispered as she stopped in front of him.

"What?" She bit her bottom lip. "I know, I shouldn't used this dress, it would be better wear a jea-"

"Stop it." Sam interrupted her.

"Uh?" Mercedes frowned and looked at him.

"Stop criticizing yourself." He looked at her from head to toe. "This dress fit you perfectly, and you look gorgeous as always. So stop thinking that you are not good enough, or that your body isn't beautiful. Because it is, and I think deep down you know it."

Mercedes opened her mouth but didn't say anything. They stared at each other for a while, then Sam sighed and grabbed her hand.

"C'mon, we both need to relax."

Mercedes noded and followed him. They stopped under a tree, hiding from the sun. Sam opened a big picnic blanket and put some fruits and bottles of water on it. He sat in the grass and leaned back against the tree. Mercedes smiled looking at him and sat by his side. She raised her head and looked at the horizon, watching as the lake met the light blue sky. There was some kids playing with the water, and a cute puppy was running towards a lady.

Mercedes felt eyes on her. She turned to see Sam staring at her, and chuckled. His smile was so pure and bright that reminded her of Stevie's. He leaned close to her and his smile slowly faded away. Sam's eyes traveled for all her face, her cheeks, her nose, her chin and, finally, her eyes.

Mercedes shut them closed, since she couldn't handle him staring at her, and Sam took this action as a permission to seal their lips. He quickly held her face and caressed her cheek as he felt her tongue licking his bottom lip. When he opened his mouth, Mercedes arms hooked around his neck, and her hand gripped his hair. Their tongues met and they fought for control. Sam was totally lost. He could kiss her all day long. Right now, he just wanted her to say yes, say that she have been thinking about him everyday, say that she needed him as much as he needed her. Because he would die if she didn't.

Sam slowly pulled away, Still holding her face in his hands, he opened his eyes and looked at her. She was breathing deeply, her eyes still shut and with an expression he couldn't read. Then suddenly her brown eyes were looking right at him, and his heart stopped.

"You deserve all the love in the fucking world." He whispered.

Her eyes widened and she slowly pulled away. Sam took a deep breath and looked at the lake.

"I need to tell you something. Because I can't stand one more day looking at you and hiding my feelings."

Mercedes opened her mouth to say something, but Sam turned to face her and spoke first.

"And I need you to listen to me. I know that every single sentence I tell you, you will try to deny it or say it isn't true. But, believe me, it it. I know because I feel it."

Her eyes twitched and she noded.

"First of all, you need to know that this" He pointed at the empty space between them. "It didn't start at the party, nor when I found out about you hurting yourself. I've been looking at you since you got in Mckinley. I was attracted to you. But then, after a few weeks I got myself wondering what would be like to know you, or just talk to you. You never talked to me, and you were so confident that I didn't say anything. But when taht kiss happened, it felt so good and right, that I couldn't stay quiet anymore. The next day I came back to your house to tell you about it. Of course I used the jacket like a reason to go there. When I saw the door opened, I didn't think twice and just entered, because I feared that you wouldn't let me in if I knocked. I reached the bathroom and.. I knew that something was wrong, by the look at your face. I thought that you didn't want me there, that I was right and you didn't give a shit about me. But when I saw the blood stain.."

Sam gasped and sighed.

"Mercedes, you have no ideia how I felt there. How my heart stopped beating when I saw you bleeding and crying. A million thoughts invaded my mind. All I wanted to do was take you in my arms, hold you close and calm you down. But I knew you wouldn't let me. So I kissed you. And.. Oh my God how it felt right. When our lips touch I feel like I'm going to explode."

Mercedes was shocked. There were somethings that she wanted to tell him, but she didn't interrupted.

"I want to be with you, Mercedes." Sam held her hands and looked at her eyes. "I want to kiss you in the hallway, I want to call you my girlfriend and hold your hand when we go out."

"Sam, you don't know what you are talking about." Mercedes complained, but didn't let go of his hands. "I'm fucked up, and I have been through a lot lately. I know I'm getting better, you and the glee club helped me, but I'm supposed to have a breakdown anytime." She sighed. "And I'm really thankfull that you care about me. But I don't want to get hurt again. And if anything happens to me, I don't want you to suffer too."

"This is one of the reasons why I want to be with you! I want to be there when you fall, I want to take your hand and go through this hell with you." Sam was now speaking fast and nervously. "And I care about you a lot.. I can't see you suffering again, not alone. You don't have to fight on your own, you have the glee club and your friends, but now you have _me_ , and I want to be the fist person you will call if something is wrong. Because.. I'm falling for you, Cedes."

"Don't say it, Sam." Mercedes swallowed hard. " It's too soon to know anything about this feelings."

Sam buried his head in his hands and huffed.

"What do you feel when you're with me?"

"What?"

He lifted his head and stared at her watered eyes.

"What do you feel when you're with me Mercedes." He repeated and Mercedes looked away. She sighed and faced him again.

"I don't know.. I.." She closed her eyes and a bunch of memories invaded her, all of them of the moments they shared through the weekend. "You can make me smile just making those stupids, but cutes impressions." Mercedes chuclked and kept her eyes closed. "You make me laugh everytime you tell your jokes, and you make me feel secure. The way you hold me when I'm not okay, or the look you give me when I'm upset... You make me want to be happy, Sam."

When she opened her eyes, Sam was dangerously close to her. His green eyes were right in front of hers, and she felt his heavy breath touch her soft skin.

"So, why are you so scared of happiness?" Sam's lips brushed hers as he spoke.

"Maybe because I've never felt it before."

He stared at her for a while, and delicately put a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I _promise_ I can make you happy, Cedes.." He glanced at her lips then back at her eyes. "You just have to let me."

"I will." Mercedes said after a pause, and Sam imediately held her nape delicately and brought her lips to his. She responded and he invaded her mouth with his tongue, while her hands worked on messing with his hair. He slowly leaned into her, and before they realized she was laying in the grass with him on top of her body. His right arm held her waist and he pulled away to breathe. He looked down at her and smiled.

"So.. will you be my girlfriend?"

"Well.. I didn't say that.." Mercedes grinned playfully.

"Oh, no." Sam tickled her sides and Mercedes laughed out loud. She weakly punched his chest as she gasped for air.

"Stop. Sam.. Please stop!"

He smiled and continued.

"I won't stop untill you say it.. Say you are my girlfriend,Cedes." He chuckled and Mercedes laughed even harder under him.

"Okay, okay!" She giggled. "I'm your girlfriend!"

Sam stopped his moviments and looked at her, with a big smile on his face.

"This is the best thing you've said all day long."

* * *

 **Please, let me know what you think about this chapter! Love you all :3**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys, chapter 5 is finally here. Yeah, it took me a long time to update, I'm sorry. But I was really busy and I had some tests, so I spent every day studying :/ I'm also sorry for all the angst and hurt in this chapter. When I wrote it I was having a bad time, I was feeling down and I ended up reflecting my feelings in the character.**

 **My honest thanks to Zini,** **Alliecattie3, Mowatts87 and whoknowstv for all the support - you guys helped me not to give up on this fic and inspired me to keep writing. :) And of course, I'm also glad that other people reviewed too, or just read the fanfic. Thank you so much, you guys mean the world to me :3**

 **Right now,I should be doing my homework, but who cares XD  
**

 **Playlist for this chapter::**

 **Cold Water - Major Lazer feat. Justin Bieber & MO**

 **Don't Let Me Down - The Chainsmokers feat. Daya**

 **F**kin' Perfect - P!nk**

* * *

 **It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attacked again. Like you have this fear that every person you start to like is going to break your heart.**

"Mercedes? MERCEDES!"

She was knoct out of her transe by Sam's voice and turned to him, who was holding her hand and staring at her with concern in his eyes. She had been lost in her thoughts since she got in the car. Her mind was busy replaying moments in her head as she stared at the window, but didn't really see a thing. Mercedes hasn't realized that they were already at the school parking lot until Sam shout her name.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a deep voice.

"Yes.." She looked at him and chuckled lightly. "I was just thinking.."

"About what?" He smirked.

She moved in the seat and sat closer to him. "About everything that happened to me this past week, and how it still feel like a dream." Mercedes smiled and raised her hand, and took a lock of his hair in her finger, playfully. "A dream where I met this amazing guy, who said was falling in love with me, and wanted to be by my side even if I break down. I don't know why, but i believed him. Maybe because of the thruth I saw in his greened eyes, or the softness in his voice as he asked me to be his girlfriend. Or maybe, it was his kiss.. Oh God, of course it was his kiss.."

Mercedes glanced at Sam's full lips and then back at his eyes.

"The way his tongue danced in my mouth, as he sucked my bottom lip and left me brethless... So please Sam, if this is a dream, do not wake me up."

Sam smiled and grabbed her face gingerly, covering her lips with his. He kissed her passionately and intensively.

"I won't.." He whispered against her lips when they broke apart. "Because this is _real._ Thank God it is."

They smiled and kissed a few more times, until Mercedes decided they should got in the school, or they would miss their classes.

Sam quickly got out of the car and helped her open the door. Mercedes smiled and kissed his cheek. They entered the school holding hands, but before they could take two steps, Santana was already in front of them folding her arms across her chest.

"How the hell did this happen?"

Sam raised an eyebrow to her and Mercedes cuckled.

"Long story, Tana..."

The Latina was ready to say something, but was interrupted by Tina's voice, who was approaching them with Mike besides her.

"So you two are finally together?"

"I told you." The asian boy smiled at his girlfriend and shoot Sam a proud look.

Mercedes shook her head and covered her face with her free hand, blushing in embaresment. The blonde looked down at her and grinned.

"Well, see you later guys. Right now, I want to walk my _girlfriend_ to class." Sam emphasized the word "girlfriend'. It felt so right when it came out of his mouth, when he refered to Mercedes. A big smile crossed his face when he thought about it.

He passes through their friends, pulling Mercedes with him. As they walked down the hallway, he notice that every student was looking at them, all eyes were focused on the newest couple of McKinley. Sam smiled as he looked the surprise in people's faces. All he could imagine was that they were thinking how perfect he and Mercedes looked together. Although it wasn't the true, and Mercedes knew it. She held his hand tighter, and buried her face in his shoulder. When they reached her locker, he looked down at her.

"It sucks that we only have English together." He sighed. "But I'll see you at lunch okay?" Sam smiled and leaned to kiss her.

Mercedes pulled back, looking sideways, and Sam frowned.

"What was that?"

"N-Nothing.." She gasped and tried to avoid his eyes.

"Mercedes.."

"It's nothing Sam. I just think that we shouldn't kiss in the corridor, some people don't like i-"

"I don't care." He interrupted her. His voice seemed a little hurt. "Why can't I kiss you here, Cedes? We are a couple, aren't we? And that's what couples do, they kiss, they make out, and they hold hands. Why can't we do the same?"

Mercedes took a deep breath and looked at her angry boyfriend.

"I'm not used to it Sam.. Everything is new for me, this relationship, and everything we do together. Before you, it used to be only me, on my own, and now everything I do, I do with you." She smiled lightly and rested her hand on his chest. "I'm not saying that I don't want or that I don't like it. Acctually, I love it. But I need to get used to it. Do you understand?"

Sam took a while to respond, but then he finally smiled and pulled her into his arms.

"Yeah, I understand." He hugged her firmly, and Mercedes melted in his embrace. "Just promise me, if anything is wrong, or if you don't feel well, you will let me know."

"I promise." She smiled against his chest.

The school bell rang and they broke appart.

"So.. se you at lunch?" He asked, smiling.

"Yes Sam.. See you." Mercedes chuckled as she watched him turn the corner of the hallway. After he was out of sight, she headed to her class, ignoring the gossips and whispers she heard in the corridors. And all of them, mentioned two names.

Sam and Mercedes.

* * *

She was falling.

Mercedes could feel it. Her legs were trembling and her hands were shaking. Tears srteamed down her face as she looked to her reflection in the bathroom's big mirror, her fingers grabbing firmly the edge of the cold sink. With a lot of effort, she finally took her phone from the pocket of her jeans, and four letters were all she could text Sam while her mind was still tormenting herself, thinking about everything she heard ten minutes ago.

 _Mercedes was at her locker, taking her books for the English class when a group of cheerios approached her._

 _"So, is it true that you're going out with Sam Evans?" The first girl stood next to her. She was skinny and redheaded, with brighty green eyes and rosed cheeks._

 _"Y-Yes" Mercedes looked at the other four cheerleaders standing behind the one who spoke. Three of them were blonde, with pretty blue eyes and the other was a beautiful brunnete who had a body like an hourglass._

 _The black girl cleared her throat before she spoke again._

 _"Acctualy, we are dating."_

 _As the last word left her mouth, the cheerios bursted into laugh._

 _"Poor girl." One of the blondes said between giggles._

 _"I'm so sorry for you..." The taller girl raised a brow to the glee kid._

 _"Mercedes." She looked at them with a confused expression. "I don't understand what you're talking about, but I really need to go to my English class before I get too late.."_

 _She turned around to leave but the brunette stopped in front of her._

 _"Oh no darling, we are trying to help you.." She rested a hand on Mercedes' shoulder and gave her a fake generous smile. "We think you are just too blinf to see the real thruth behind this relationship."_

 _Mercedes stood in silence, and the gilr took it as a sign to continue._

 _"Everyone knows that Sam is a really sweet guy and he would do anything to help his friends, even if he had to lie to do down, you know he doesn't want to be with you."_

 _"He likes me, he.. He told me so.." Her eyes were watered, but she held back the tears as she saw the gratification in the cheerios eyes. They wanted to hurt her, make her feel bad for herself again. But she wouldn't let them, or maybe, she would try to._

 _"Don't be stupid Mercedes!" One of the girls shouted from behind her. "He's lying to you. Sam just wants to make you feel better because you can't get a man on your own!"_

 _At this words, onte tear fell down Mercedes' face, making it's way through her cheek, until it reached the edge of her chin and finally hit the floor. A ball was created on her throat and she couldn't say anything, so she just listened._

 _"Did you really think he was developing feelings for you? He's a good friend, you know that. I bet he saw how sad you were because nobody would ask you out nor flirt with you, and decided to kiss you or do whatever he did, just for you to experience something you will never have." The brunette rolled her eyes._

 _Mercedes couldn't breathe._

 _She was speechless, her eyes were now filled with tears and some of them were streaming down her face._

 _And she couldn't breathe._

 _"You'll never have him Mercedes. You know that someday, he'll get tired of you. Well, I don't blame him. " The girl shrugged and chuckled. "How could someone fall for you? You're fat. And you are ugly, do you know that right honey?"_

 _Mercedes eyes met the evil green ones. And she couldn't breathe._

 _"You're not good enough for him. He is such a hot guy, with a perfect body and he's handsome." She smirked. "You are not his type, and will never be. So let me get something clear here."_

 _The girl approached Mercedes and looked down at her._

 _"He. Is. Not. In. Love. With. You." Every word followed with a finger pointed hardly against Mercedes' chest. "The only thing he have ever felt for you, is pity."_

 _Mercedes shut her eyes closed and sobbed, droping her books as her hand covered her mouth._

 _She couldn't breathe._

 _The cheerleaders said something else, but she didn't hear them, because she was already making her way down the corridor. She started to run, crying all the way to the bathroom. As soon as she entered it, she slamed the door and thanked there was no one there. Mercedes leaned into the sink and bowed her head, focusing her eyes on the red all stars she had on._

Her heart pounded hard against her chest. Her hands, gripped firmly at the sink edge, were shaking and her forehead was sweaty. Suddenly, her legs faltered and she had to lean her back against the cold wall not to fall.

She tried to breathe deeply, although her lungs didn't accept any air. The voices still echoing in her head, repeating those evil but real phrases.

 **"How could someone fall for you?"**

 **"you know he doesn't want to be with you"**

 **"He's lying to you"**

 **"You're fat. And you are ugly"**

Every word felt like a punch right into her heart, as it pounded even faster on her chest. Was she everything people ever told her? Was she this unwanted being that people feel sorry for? She was tired. Tired of being herself, because she was her worst enemy.

Right now, she needed him.

But she shouldn't, because he was something she would never be able to have. He was unreacheble.

But she still needed him.

So she waited, feeling the fear of being hurt again fill her body, as her tears felt uncontrollably from her eyes.

* * *

She wasn't there.

Sam looked around the class, hoping to find Mercedes somewhere, but he didn't. She was supposed to be in the English class with him, but it had been five minutes since the school bell rang and Mercedes was never late. Just when he began to worry, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He took it and saw the text she sent him, the four words that made his heart stop.

"Help"

His eyes widened and he read the text once again. He felt his breath began to get heavy, and concern took over his body. He needed to find her.

Right Now.

He grabbed his backpack and run out of the classroom, ignoring the protests that came out from the teacher's mouth. Sam walked down the hallway, glancing everywhere around him trying to see her. He was passing by the corner when he heard low sobs. He looked around and ran to the ladies toilet, and flung the door open, but the moment he stepped into the bathroom, he froze.

Mercedes was leaning against the wall, with her arms around herself, as she cried and sobbed out loud. Sam watched her chest raise quickly, her breath getting heavier every time, she was shaking and her legs seemed like they would tremble anytime now and let her fall to the floor. He raised his eyes to her face again, and a wave of hurt, passion and anger filled his body when her brown ones stared right at him.

He could see the pain hiden into them. She looked so broke, so lost. And it killed him. Whoever did that to her, to his girl, deserved to die. He wanted to hug her, pull her into a embrace and hold her tight, to show her he would never leave, show her that he would be there, anytime and anywhere, when she was breaking down.

So he did.

He ran to her, who immediately opened her arms, and melted in her body. His hand moved to her hair, his fingers running lovely but aggressively in her wavy strands. His arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer and holding her tightly. Mercedes threw her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck.

"I feel.. like I'm falling.." She stuttered against his soft skin.

"Shh.." Sam squeezed her back. "I'm here.. I won't let you fall." He closed his eyes and rested his chin on her shoulder. He meant every word. "I'm here."

Mercedes sobbed a few more times, before loosing her arms around him and letting him go, althought she didn't take a step back, and kept her body close to his.

"Was that.. A panic atack?" Sam hold her shoulders gingerly.

She nodded and sighed.

"It has been a long while since I last had one of those... But I couldn't help it.."

"And why? What happened that made you cry out of the blue?" He reached to caress her cheek, but she slapped his hand away and took a step back.

"I should hate you.."

"What?"

"I said I should hate you!" She repeated, raising her voice and looking into his green eyes.

"What the hell Mercedes? I can't understand.. Did I do something wrong?" He rubbed the back of his neck.

"No Sam.. You didn't." She sniffed.

"So why are you mad at me? And why I don't even know the reason for it?"

"Because you should've tell me the thruth!" His eyes widened at her words and he frowned, he was such lost in this conversation. "What? You thought I would never find out? Uh? Yes, I see now what you are doing." She looked away and blinked, trying to hold the tears back. "If you were feeling sorry for me, or pity, you should have told me! Not pretend that you liked me and ask me to be your girlfriend!"

"Mercedes! Do you have any idea of what you're talking about?" Sam shouted. "Because I don't, so please, if you could explain yourself I would be grateful!"

She covered her face in her hands and let out a sob, then took a deep breath and looked up at him again.

"I know you are a really great friend, and you care about me. And I also know that after my confession about my past in glee club, you felt sorry for me and decided to make me feel better. But, really Sam, why did you have to lie to me?" One tear streamed down her face. "Why did you have to tell me all that beautiful things and make me believe that you liked me? You didn't help me, okay? You only hurt me even more!"

"I didn't lie to you!" Sam was losing control. Why did she keep insisting that he's lied to her? "I meant every single word I told you yesterday. I meant it when I said that I liked you, that I was _falling_ for you. I meant it when I said that I wanted to be by your side on your darkness times! So why are you pushing me away Mercedes?"

Nothing.

She didn't answer. She stayed quiet, her head down and looking to the dirty white floor, while more tears escaped her eyes.

"You agreed to be my girlfriend, and you were happy with your decision. What made you change your mind?"

Nothing.

"Tell me Mercedes!"

"The cheerios talked to me!" She cried and walked towards the sink, looking to him through the mirror. "They told me how you just wanted to see me happy, and that I will never be your type nor good enough for you.."

"I can't believe it.." Sam approached her. "Did you believe them?"

Mercedes sighed and turned to him.

"Why shouldn't I? It makes sense, Sam. I'm fat, I'm ugly and I'm a weirdo. I'm the totally opposite of you! How could you or anyone else ever love someone like me?"

"Don't you ever speak like that again!" Mercedes shut her mouth at his words and looked at his angry expression in disbelief. "Don't you dare.. Speak about yourself like that again."

Sam was breathing hard, looking deeply in Mercedes' eyes. He grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers.

"You are perfect to me, and I'm gonna spend all my days telling you so. You are gorgeous, intelligent, kind and funny. You shouldn't be embaressed about anything, including your skin color or your weight. You keep telling yourself that you are fat and hating yourself, but do you have any ideia how your body drives me crazy?" He bit his bottom lip and used his other hand to caress her cheek. "Damn Mercedes, everytime you walk by, every guy turn around to look at you. And it makes me jealous as fuck. But now you're mine, you told me so. And I'm not letting you go."

He stared at her and leaned closer, covering her mouth with his. Sam kissed her tenderly and passionately, holding her face and with an arm around her waist. Mercedes stood on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss. With the left tears she had, she held him for dear life, stroking his hair and biting his bottom lip. Sam released their hold just enough to look her in the eyes.

"Cedes, you need help."

Seeing the confused look Mercedes had on her face, he explained himself.

"I mean, professional help. Obviously I will always be there to hold your hand and tell you how beautiful and amazing you are, but you won't believe me." He sighed and took her hands in his.

"You think I'm crazy?" The hurt in her voice broke Sam's heart.

"No! Of course not, Cedes.." He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "But if you refuse to accept the thuth coming from me, then you will by hearing it from someone else. Because you need to believe in yourself. So, will you please go to a therapy session?"

Mercedes looked away and sighed heavy. " I don't know Sam.."

"I will come with you. Please..?"

"Okay.." She smiled weakly before looking up to him again. "For you I'll do it."

"No, you'll do it for yourself." Sam replied, pointing at her. "Because, in the end, the only person who can help you, is yourself." He smiled and pulled her into a hug.

"Now.. Can you take me home?" Mercedes said with her face buried in Sam's neck.

"Yes darlin', let's go." He smiled and wiped the tears from her eyes, then took her hand in his and walked out of the bathroom. Even if he didn't want to show it, seen her so hurt and lost had broken his heart. But now she was fine, and he intended to make her feel even better when they got home.

* * *

 **Oookayyy.. Was it too bad?**

 **Please, review if you have any doubts, questions or suggestions - or you can just be a good person and let me know that you are reading this fic XD**

 **So, I haven't even thought about the professional help, but someone mentioned it on the review and I decided to use it to improve the story. What do you think about it?**

 **And, next chapter I may write something more sexual, to develop Sam and Mercedes' relationship. Let me know what you guys think I should do.**

 **Thank you again for reading Suicidal Love, I'm not giving up on you guys, so please, don't give up on me. ( I can be really annoying, but I'm a good person XD )**

 **Love you all.**

 **Beijos - It means "kisses" in Portuguese ;)**


	6. Therapy Session

**I'm sorry guys, I wanted to update this chapter earlier, but I just couldn't finish it. But I realized the last time I updated was a month ago, so I did my best to give you the sixth chapter today (Well, here in Brazil is still September 28th so...)!**

 **Okay, it's been really diffcult for me to write this story. I acctually have a lot of ideas in my mind, some of them really random, but I just don't know how to get there. But I'll keep trying and do my best, because I don't want to give up on this fanfic. :)**

 **Thanks for everyone that reviewed the last chapter, you guys are always so supportive I can't even!**

 **Ps: I didn't have time to revise this chapter, so I'm sorry for any mistakes that may appear. :/  
**

 **And as I was saying, I also didn't pick any songs this time.**

 **I'm sorry - for the millionth time -.**

 **Here it goes, hope you like it. :)**

* * *

"Sam.." Mercedes groaned as she felt his lips on her skin. "W-What are you doing?"

Sam smiled and placed kisses all along her neck until her lips. He licked her bottom lip and slipped his tongue in her mouth, and she left a moan scape the back of her throat. He held her waist and slowly pushed her into the sofa, leaning on top of her without breaking the kiss.

Mercedes' fingers stroked his hair, and his hands cupped her face. The kiss grew hotter and deeper, and suddenly she was unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it down his arms. They kissed again and Sam's hands squeezed her sides and thighs. He was about to unclasp her bra when she stopped him and pulled away.

"Sam I.."

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry." Sam got up and ran his hand through his hair. "Cedes, I didn't mean.. I didn't want.."

Mercedes adjusted her clothes and sat up, watching his concerned face.

"You didn't want me?"

"No!" He shouted and kneeled between her legs. "Of course I want you Cedes. It's just.." Sam caressed a curl lock of her hair and looked into her eyes. "I didn't want you to think that I'm this kind of guy, you know. We are not togheter just because of this, but because I want you in every possible way I can have you. Physical, mental and emotionally."

Mercedes smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I want it too, Sam, and I could never think such things about you. I guess I'm just not ready for this."

"Hey, no problem." He grabbed her hands and kissed both. "I'll wait for your time, and I will never force you to do something you don't want to. So let's just enjoy, no pressure."

"No pressure." She repeated and pulled him into a kiss, but was interrupted when her phone rang.

"I'm sorry" Mercedes apologized with a chuckle.

"It's okay, I will make us popcorn, than we can watch a movie. What do you think?"

"Great!" She smiled and Sam kissed her soft and quickly, before headed toward the kitchen. She then grabbed her cell phone."Hello?"

"Mercy?" Kurt's concerned voice echoed through the phone. "Where are you? Are you okay? You didn't show up to glee club today so-"

"Calm down, Kurt. I'm fine." She smiled and played with a lock of her hair. "I wasn't feeling very well so I asked Sam to take me home. Thank you, but no need to worry."

"Oh, thank God." He sighed in relief. "And talking about Blondie, how did it happen between you guys? C'mon girl, tell me everything!"

Mercedes laughed and rolled her eyes. She could listen the pops that came from the kitchen and the low melody of a song Sam was hapilly murmuring.

"I would love to do that, but right now I just wanna watch a movie with my boyfriend. If you want to, I can show up at your place after school tomorrow."

"What?! Mercedes, I was the only male you used to watch a movie and cuddle with!" Kurt sounded ofended, and she tried not to laugh. "How dare he take my place?"

"Really Kurt?" She shook her head and chuckled. "Sam didn't take anyone's place. You will always be my best friend, you know that. And hey, I never said we were going to cuddle!"

"Won't you?" Mercedes could imagine her friend rolling his eyes. "It is, if you don't end up in your bed."

She gasped and blushed, remembering that if it wasn't for Kurt be talking to her right now, maybe they would just forget what they've just said and start the hungry kisses all over again.

"Oh my Gaga!" His voice brought her back to reality. "You are already in your bed!" He claimed.

"Kurt, no!" She slaped her forehead lightly. "Listen, I promise you tomorrow I'll tell you even the smallest details about what happened this weekend, but I can assure you right now, that I didn't have.. you know what with Sam!"

"I hope you're telling me the truth, Mercedes Jones. Because if I find out that-" Kurt was completely ignored when Sam entered the room with a bowl of popcorn, the DVD and a bright smile.

"Okay, bye Kurt!"

He didn't get the chance to say it back because Mercedes had already hung up and placed the cellphone on the coffe table.

"Who was it?" Sam asked and handed her the bowl, then headed for the DVD player.

"Oh, just Kurt." Mercedes smiled and ate a popcorn. "He wanted to know if everything was okay, since I didn't show up at glee club. He seemed worried anyway, so I think I'll spend some time with him and maybe Quinn too tomorrow."

"I didn't even think of it, we should have told someone that we were leaving." Sam shrugged and sat beside her, and wrapped his arm around her body.

She smiled and looked up at him, admiring his beautiful green eyes that stared down at her. She caressed his cheek and lips with her thumb, then replaced her finger with her mouth. It was a quick but lovely kiss.

"So, what movie did you choose?" Mercedes asked, finally turning her atention to the TV screen.

"Avatar!" His exciment was clear and Mercedes chuckled as he pressed start.

"Are you serious? You're already showing me your geek side, it won't be too long until I figure you out Sam Evans."

He grinned and kissed the top of her head.

"You're right. Because I have nothing to hide from you. I'm yours, complete and entirely."

His words made her heart flip into her chest and she had to take a deep breath, because the air was suddenly insufficient to fill her lungs. She stared at him watching the truth expressed in his green eyes, the truth that somehow cherished her and made her feel warm inside.

She finally exhaled the air she didn't even know that had been hold and smiled.

A sincere and hopeful smile.

And the most beautiful Sam had ever seen.

"You know you can't do this..." She closed her eyes and held him even closer, resting her head on his chest and her hands around his waist. "Say this beautiful words when I'm not prepared."

Sam sighed and stroke her hair, running his fingers from the top of her head to the tips of her long and curly locks.

"So let me know when you are."

"That's the matter, I don't think I'll ever be." She felt his chest rise and fall, as he seemed to be facing the same trouble as she had seconds ago. "You're about to make a mess out of my life, I can feel it."

Sam bent over her and kissed her nose lightly.

"You'll get used to it. But what I can feel right now is that unfortunately all my atention will be directed to that movie." He chuckled and pointed to the screen, where the first scenes of Avatar started to appear.

"Are you picking a movie over me?" Mercedes looked up at him and frowned. "Oh, it hurts!" She pressed a hand against her chest, trying to sound ofended.

"I adore you, Cedes. But it's Avatar!"

"Just shut up!" They both laughed and decided to watch the movie.

Despite himself, after thirty minutes Sam didn't even glance at the TV, his eyes were too busy shut closed as he felt Mercedes' mouth against his.

* * *

The next day, Mercedes was feeling much better as she walked into the school with Sam and throughout the whole class period.

When the movie finished the afternoon before, she baked Sam some cookies before he left. The rest of the night she spent walking around the house while thinking about their relationship with a bright smile on her face.

"I'll pick you up at five than we can go to the hospital." Sam told her as he pull out into the Hummel's house. They had agreed she would have her first terapy session today, but only if he came with her. She didn't felt comfortable alone, and she would feel much more safe and calm with him.

"Okay."

She replied with a smile and grabbed the door handle, but Sam reached for her arm and she turned her head back at him with a raised brow.

"I think you're forgetting something, Miss." He grinned and leaned towards her, capturing her lips in a tender kiss.

"I better go before we get carried on." She said once they broke appart.

"Yeah, I think it is." He chuckled and pressed his lips together one more time before letting her go.

Mercedes got out of the car and waved for Sam, then headed to the door and knocked. It didn't take more than ten seconds for a excited Kurt appear in front of her.

"Hey!" He throw his arms around her neck and hugged her, pulling her inside the house. "Quinn is already upstairs, let's go."

Kurt grabbed her hand and refused to let it go until she was standind inside his room with Quinn kissing her cheek.

"Can we please talk now? I need to know everything before Sam take you away from me again."

Mercedes rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of his king size bed. Quinn sat beside her and Kurt laid on his back, resting his arms behind his head.

"It's no big deal, Sam and I are together now, just it." Mercedes shrugged.

"Just it? You guys barely talked to each other!" Quinn shook her head. "Something must have happened."

"My confession happened." The room fell in silence and Mercedes sighed. "Later that day he showed up at my place and... Let's say he prefered my mouth on his than talking about my past."

Kurt looked at her and Quinn and smirked.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he made you forget your fucking name with that big mouth of his."

"Hey! It's my man you're talking about!" She giggled and threw him a pillow.

"Sorry, not sorry!" He laughed and Quinn interrupted their fun. "You have to tell us the details, right from the start!"

"Okay, okay." Mercedes sighed and rested her hands on the pillow over her lap. "Actually our first kiss was the one at the party."

Quinn looked a bit confused,and her brows were deep frowed as she stared at the mattress, like trying to remeber the moment her friend was talking about.

"I think you were too drunk to remember anything Quinnie." Kurt rolled his eyes and she shrugged.

"Whatever." Mercedes smiled. "That kiss was the first contact we've ever made outside glee club. But something about the way he was staring at me after that made me feel nervous. I could swear he was eye flirting me, if this even existes."

She paused for a moment to remember the scene and her friends made sign for her to continue.

And she did. Mercedes told them every detail about how Sam had found her bleeding the next day, until the make out session they've had the previous day. None of them interrupted her and just listened to the story carefully.

"Okay.." Kurt sighed when she finished and looked at her thoughtfully. "But, for what you've told us, it didn't start because of your confession."

"He is right." Quinn agreed. "Sam was into you before he could possibly knew about your 'secrets'."

Mercedes bit her bottom lip and looked up at her friends.

"Yeah, maybe. But I still think that revealing my problems influenced him somehow." She shrugged and smiled. "But I'm really happy guys, I've never had someone who treated me like he does. Someone who cared about me and wanted to be near me anytime."

"Ouch, it's good to know that we mean nothing to you." Kurt looked at her and at Quinn and huffed.

"You didn't let me finish. And I've never had someone who would kiss me the way he does." She laughed and threw herself on him. "You're so cute when you're jealous!"

Kurt chuckled and tickled her sides, and Mercedes let a loud laugh scape her throat. Soon Quinn joined them and the trio spent the rest hour they had singing and gossiping, until Sam appearead at the door, letting a frustrated Kurt and a happy Quinn behind, and taking a lovely Mercedes with him.

* * *

"Hello, I'm Doctor Cesaroni, but you can call me Valerie!" The woman happily stood up and reached out to the couple, as they entered the room. Mercedes had been taken aback and smiled shyly, thankfully Sam was more polite and greeted her with a handshake.

"Good afternoon, Doctor. I'm Sam and this is my girlfriend, Mercedes."

They complimented each other and everyone took a seat, Doctor Martin in a modern grey armchair behind her desk and the couple in simpler red ones on the opposite side.

"I'm glad to meet you both!" Valerie smiled warmly. "May we get started?" She looked over at Mercedes, who slightly nodded, still unsure of what she was doing there.

She watched the woman curiously. She had deep caramel eyes and her black hair gleamed against the weak light of the room. Her lips were small and delicated, and the tip of her nose was lightly bowed up. The woman was short, perhaps the same height as Mercedes, and she wore a cream dress, which became slightly wider at the bottom that reached her knees. The smile she kept on her face made it able for Mercedes to see her perfect aligned and white teeth.

"So, Mercedes, I will ask you some simple questions. If you don't feel comfortable to answer them, let me know, okay?"

The black girl inaled deeply and felt Sam's hand squeeze hers gently. "Okay."

"Right, let's start." The doctor cleaned her throat and rested both wrists on the desk. "Why are you here?"

Mercedes gasped and blinked a few times. She opened to answer when she realized she didn't know what to say. Whay was she there? Acctualy, she hadn't thought about it. It was Sam's idea, she just agreed. None response reached her mind, so she shrugged and sighed.

"I'm here because of Sam." Her answer attracted a questionable look from her boyfriend and a curious one from the doctor. "He wanted me to feel better, and he thought I needed profissional help."

"Do you?"

She looked up at Valerie, who was staring at her with an expression she wasn't capable to read.

"Maybe."

The woman backed away and reclined in the chair, letting out a low sigh.

"Sam, can you give us a minute please?"

The guy looked at Mercedes, unsure if he should go or stay. He knew she needed him there, but there were things she had to face on her own. But he promised to be by her side..

"I don't want him to leave." Mercedes claimed and hold his hand tigher.

"Mercedes, I need to have a conversation with you only. It won't take too long." Valerie secured her and looked to the blonde. "Sam?"

He looked back at Mercedes and held both of her hands in his. "Cedes, I think you should listen to her. You have to open yourself, she knows how to help you."

"Sam-"

"I'll be outside, if anything makes you uncomfortable, you can only call me. I will be right there." He pointed to the door and kissed her forehead. Sam gave her one last smile before heading to the door. "Remember Cedes, she won't judge you. Believe me." He winked at her and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Mercedes rolled her eyes and turned back to the doctor, who was weirdly smiling at her.

"I know this may be unusual for you, but I need you to speak Mercedes, or I won't be able to help you."

"What do you want me to say?"

"What do _you_ want to say to me?"

"Can you please stop aswering me with more questions?" Mercedes huffed testily.

Valerie put her hands up in an act of surrender. "Just tell me about how you feel. What thoughts you have, or what your mind says to you. Anything."

"I feel broken and confused. Because I can't find any answers for my questions, I'm always wondering why people leave me and when things start to get better, I feel scared of losing it and I push everything that is good away." She rubbed her temple and looked at the doctor. "What's wrong with me?"

Valerie shook her head and chuckled softly. "There's nothing wrong with you Mercedes, you're just afraid of yourself."

"What do you mean?" She frowned and straightned herself in her seat.

Doctor Cesaroni bit her lip and was lost in thoughts for a moment.

"Mercedes, imagine you just put a boiler full of water on your stove. After a while, the temperature will be hot enough for the water boils."

Mercedes frowned as she listened to her doctor. When she first entered this room, she thought that she was the crazy one, but now she had her doubts. Despite herself, she simply nodded and let the woman continue.

"When it happens, the particles of water begin to stir and bump against each other. It's like the chaos. And somehow, it reminds me of you."

"What does chemistry has to do with my mental healthy?"

"These particles are your atoms, Mercedes. You're torn, because a part of you wants to believe in yourself and finally accept happiness, but your other half keeps fighting it and telling you that you are not worthy. Am I wrong?"

Mercedes swallowed hard and looked away from the doctor's stare. This was exactly how she was feeling. Her mind was destroying her and her thoughts weren't agreeable. Everytime she tried to find a solution for her problems and her sadness, another option would come along and make her thing again. And again, and again. It was a cycle. An infinite and awful cycle. And Mercedes was stuck in it. She was tired of thinking, but she could never find an exit. How was it even possible someone be so happy and so sad at the same time? When she looked at Sam and her friends, all she could do was smile and think about how she was doind great by now. But there were still some long and sleepless nights when she would cry silently with her face buried on her pillow, and every single thing she could blame herself for would come back to her mind. And she was tired. She was so fucking tired of never being able to let go of her past and move on.

Mercedes sighed and looked back at Valerie.

"No, not at all."

The woman smiled. "Well, I think that's enough for today. I don't want to rush things, and I need to earn your trust. So, we can have our sessions every Tuesday and Thursday, what do you think?"

"That's good." She smiled and got up. "Thank you, doctor."

"Oh please, call me Valerie, I've told you that." The woman gestured with her hands in a sign to just shake it off and stoof up. "See you soon, Mercedes."

Mercedes nodded and grabbed the door handle, stepping outside the room. She was just about to close the door when she heard Valerie say one last thing to her - well, not exactly to her -, "And say thank you to your boyfriend for me, please. I like him already!"

She chuckled and closed it, then looked around. Sam was sitting in a chair in the waiting room, and by the time he noticed Mercedes he got up and approached her.

"So, how was it?" He asked and put his hands in his pockets, then shrugged lightly.

"Normal, I think it'll be okay." She smiled and wrapped her left arm around his waist, leaning her head onto his chest. "But she said she likes you already, and not me."

"I can't help it, I'm just awesome." Mercedes chuckled and hit him playfully. "But well, I think I like her too."

Sam pulled her even closer to him as they walked out of the hospital, making their way to his car.

"I want to know her better, maybe we can learn how to get along." Mercedes sighed and entered the car. As she tightened her seat belt, she looked through the window and then at her boyfriend and smiled widely. She felt peaceful. It was a simple feeling in her stomach, but it was already something. With baby steeps, she would get there.

* * *

 **Well, I hope you guys liked. Please let me know your opinions about Quinn, Kurt and Mercedes friendship. Yeah, I know Cedes it's being a b*tch with Valerie, but it'll get better XD I would appreciate to know your opinions! Thank you so much for the support guys, love you!**


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